Every day, as I am driving, I roll down my window, pull out my wallet and let the money fly right out. Not literally, of course, are you crazy?(I only do that on special occasions.) Every six months I pay someone several hundred dollars to “give me piece of mind” for the off chance that I may accidently have an accident in my car. I pay someone else several thousand more just so that if someone is stupid enough to break into my house and steal something of mine (I hope they steal all the Legos after stepping on all of them). I also pay about 20 dollars a month so if I die someone else can get some money. Whaaaatttt? So in that case I am paying money that I know for a fact, I will never see(unless I am a ghost). I’m pretty sure I will become a ghost, just to haunt the people that build a pool with that money.
Insurance is so much of a scam that I would start an insurance of my own if I wasn’t so lazy. The worst part of it is, that insurance companies are so rich, that all they do with their money is spend it on stupid commercials. So much so that I think Geico and Progressive is just one big vault of money. If you haven’t seen any of these commercials, you haven’t watched TV in the last 5 years.
My bitter thoughts on a few of their commercials:
Spokesperson: A freaky chick named Flo. A former stand up comedianne with bright red lipstick that has the rare inability to tell a funny joke. Yet she is on my TV even when it is off. Freeeakky. If they made a movie about her, she would be scarier than Freddie Krueger or Jason.
Recent commercials of theirs that make me bitter: A woman comes in to Flo’s insurance grocery store asking for her. Tells Flo that since her husband was given the name your price tool, he has gotten so arrogant he is starting to want to juggle chainsaws.
My bitter thought: I assume Progressive is going to cover his new cybernetic arms when this guy attempts to juggle the chainsaws.
Another one: Flo is in a dark alley peer pressuring some dude to use a snapshot tool.
My thoughts: Yes,I want my insurance to be my scary drug dealer.
A talking box: And talking progressive insurance box that says it can save you money. Opening line: “Hey it’s me. Progressive Insurance. You know from our 4000 television commercials.”
My bitter thought: I get the talking box. They need a break from Flo. But when even you admit that you are a little overexposed, you are overexposed.
Spokesperson: A talking Gecko with an Australian accent and a talking pig.
A recent one: A pig on a plane using his phone to check his insurance rate. Flight attendants tell him to put it away. He tells them about the app. They say, “Yeah, when pigs fly.” He turns to another dude on the plane and says, “Seriously?”
My bitter thought: Why are we doing commercials with talking pigs? Just to set up the when pigs fly joke? I wouldn’t have even thought that was funny at 2 years old. And I laughed at everything back then. What does that have to do with insurance…at all?
Another recent one: A guy that has money all over his body. Walks into a restaurant, attractive waitress looks at him, quits her job, leaves with money guy on motorcycle.
My bitter thought: Uh, what? Is this saying that women are attracted to money? Wow. I just…
These are just a sampling of how much money is being spent by just two insurance companies on commercials. I’m guessing that inspiration for the money guy, just comes from what all the executives actually look like at these insurance companies.
Well, I gotta go, because my insurance payments are due. How else will the insurance company pay for these bad commericials?
So bitter, Arrrggghhh
Bitter Money Pit Ben