Doesn’t it make you bitter when you are trying to take a picture of something and someone photobombs your perfectly terrible and blurry picture? I was trying to take a picture of my toe and this T-shirt totally photobombed my picture. It came out of nowhere, jumped in my photo, acted like a jerk, then left, and pretended that it didn’t screw up my picture after I took it. When I tried to confront the T-shirt about the photobomb, it just sat there, laying on the shelf pretending not to hear me. Jerk. It also implied that I was lazy, which I am, but that isn’t the point. Well, next time he is trying to take a photo with his friend, I’m going to get in his picture with a really bitter face. That will teach him.
Speaking of teaching someone a lesson, I found a way to explain how my blog works. People accidently end up here by typing the word bitter on Google because something in their life sucks so bad that they can’t possibly make it through the day without crying. They accidently read a post and think, “This guy has no reason to be bitter at all and yet he is complaining. Maybe I’m not as bitter as I think.” It seems funny to them, because anything on the internet is amusing compared to what they are going through. Then, they accidently hit the subscribe button, because their mouse isn’t working, then they go on their bitter way. Then they see an email every two days, saying that they are stalking a bitter blog, can’t find a way to unsubscribe and they are left bitter about all this junk mail they are getting.
Speaking of tables that explain things, Dinner Table is like the lego of furniture. They appear to be perfectly nice to you in the daytime by volunteering to host meals such as dinner, lunch and other breakfast like meals. Sometimes they even promise to hold other things on top of it, like newspapers, straw wrappers and bills that you will never pay. Then, as soon as it is dark and you are too cheap to turn on a light, it turns full Godfather. It waits for you to screw up, walk a little too fast, walk without your bodyguard shoes, or decide to use one of its competitors, the fridge, and it strikes. Without mercy, it strikes and reminds you that he is the boss of the kitchen and you don’t mess with him at night.
Arrrrrrghhhhh, my toe hurts!
Bitter “Toe” Ben