The Desolation of Smaug

There is a lot of Smaug out today.

There is a lot of Smaug out today.

This last weekend a new Hobbit movie called the Desolation of Smaug came out. I’m sure the box office numbers were enormous and the reviews were like, you know pretty good.  It is this movie about a bitter place called Middle Earth and some engagement ring that a guy of less than average height was looking for and a dragon.  I think there was also some caves involved along with a bunch of ships, some desolation and some Smaug.  Speaking of Smaug, back in 2005, we had purchased a vehicle that we thought would be desolating smaug into the air for at least 10 years.  While 10 years was a tail pipe dream, it did its best to intoxicate the air for as long as it did.  Because its life was cut short by a transmission disaster, we didn’t get to go see this action adventure movie.  Instead, we had our own adventure in which we would end an Odyssey and begin a Journey.

pit of despair

The internet troll.

The first thing we encountered was the deep abyss of despair.  We knew what we were getting into, but we had no choice.  In order to achieve our goal, we needed to enter the strange darkness of the world wide web.  It is there that the information trolls lived.  We went in with questions for the trolls and instead of answers, we just got more questions.

“How much will our monthly payment be?” we would query.

“That depends. How badly do you want the heated seats?” they would jab back.

“How much will we get for a trade-in on our Honda Odyssey?” we threw into the abyss.

“How many miles has it driven?  How much damage is there to the vehicle?” it shot right back.

The information trolls kept Dodging and moving.  So much so that it pushed us into the Arena of Confrontation called the call dealership.

“Noooo!  I’m not ready to face the demons!” I said out loud inside my head.

He kept saying he had some preciiousss deals.

He kept saying he had some preciiousss deals.

We pulled ever so gently into the arena, knowing that gladiators would be swarming us as soon as we touched the soil of the pavement.  Sure enough, the four of us took a step and were immediately confronted by a gladiator, but not one that we expected.  This wasn’t the classically built warrior, but a diminuative warrior, that kept saying, “Precioussss saving on the vehicles in our lot.”   Instead of attacking he and his mighty crew used another more subtle technique.  He walked us the Sea of New Cars and their Fancy Gadgetry.  There were used cars in the lot, but we couldn’t see them through the sea of Sirius Satellite Radio, Heated seats and Push button car starters.  It was too late to tie us up on the mast of our old car, or put wax in our ears.  We had been Sirenized.

The extras are so beautiful.  Let's get two!

The extras are so beautiful. Let’s get two!

We woke up back on the sandy beach, memories of the price of the car erased, but the visions of extras still circling our heads like little Tweety Birds.  We were temporarily safe from Car Salesman, but back into the abyss of How Much Can we Actually afjord.  We used our long distance cry to contact another dealership with their other Siren of Decietfully Low Price but we countered him with “You’re too Far Away”, and went back to the arena that was closer by ready to face off with him, our sword of knowledge and leverage being upgraded, we went to face off with the original Gladiator.

“Give us the best prices in the land for each of these two vehicles and we will give you our decision!” we declared.

“We will muddle the prices around so you will be confused and need to test drive them!” he declared back.

“Fine, we will test drive them!” we said.

Must have.  Can't live without...

Must have. Can’t live without…

Clearly the higher priced one was a clear winner, but the lower priced was so relatively cheap.  I asked the maiden of the kingdom if she could live without heated seats and leather.  The reply, “….” was nothing, but the face clearly said what needed to be said. “Heavens no I can’t live without heated seats, are you crazy?” said her face.  So, the dear wallet, which was empty already, would have to be remain empty for 60 months to come.

There was bartering to be done.

“We see you have good credit with the village, so will give you great financing.  In fact, with your credit you could buy the whole arena!” they flattered.

“We will only pay 2 pence per cycle of days!” we cried.

“We will give 50 pence for your broken down Chariot, as long as long as you can deliver it to us in a fortnight!” they said.

And on and on we bartered.  Finally a gentlemanly and lady handshake was made with Car Salesman.  Only the account weasel left to Dodge, Dip, Duck, Dive and Dodge.

“Extend the warranty on your Chariot for 10 years more!” he cried.

“Well,…” the lady said.

“No!!!! We refuse your extended Chariot Protection!” I cried.

“Sign here then, and here and here and here and here and here and prick your finger as we will take 3/4 of your blood and all of your gold doubloons!” he cried.

Nightfall was upon us, and finally our Dodge Journey was ready to begin.  We take in the new Chariot smell and revel in its heated seats.

Our Honday Odyssey is over....

Our Honday Odyssey is over….

But reality crashes down on us.  Our Honda Odyssesy is not yet complete.  If we are to get the 50 pence for the old warn down chariot, we must return, Odyssey in hand, no matter the condition, along with ourselves to the arena once more.  It rattles, and roars, and freezes my hands with its non heated steering, trying with all its might to sabtogue the deal.  50 pence, but only if it returns.

Prayers are guided toward heaven.  The Gods will allow for its return, but not without a fight.

The chariot rattles slowly into the space between two lines.  Old reigns pulled out.  Breath smoky in the sky, I run into the arena once more.  I give them the reigns and the deed to the chariot.  It is finished.  The new era of the Dodge Journey begins.  The Odyssey is over.  A new Desolation of Smaug.

The desolation of Wallet.

The Desolation of Wallet begins…

But remember, no story on the Bitter Blog ends happily ever after.  The wallet will be empty for 60 more cycles.

Arrrrghhhh

Bitter Smaug Ben

 

93 thoughts on “The Desolation of Smaug

  1. Pingback: In case you missed it…because you were entranced by a Yule Log | Ben's Bitter Blog

  2. I fell asleep during the last Hobbit movie, but it seems like the engagement ring would have helped you, because you could dissappear. Or something like that. Hmm. Maybe I’m thinking of Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility. Either way, I think it’d be helpful for you to be invisible in your village when you buy your next chariot.

    • It weird how the post came together for me. For me, I really loved the title of that movie even though I haven’t gotten into the books or movies. There was just something awesome about the word Smaug. I also wanted to write about my car buying experience, so when I put Smaug and Car buying and the epicness of The Hobbit with the names of the two cars that were involved, the Odyessey and the Journey and I had to mash these two up.

      • As a BIG LOTR nerd, I am ashamed (so ashamed!) to admit I’ve never read the books. (But I’ve watched each of those movies more times than I should probably say…) I DID read The Hobbit (which was fanTASTIC). Don’t ask me why I haven’t read them, but one of my friends talking about Legolas running around to gather his arrows after every battle did kind of put me off, regardless of how ‘realistic’ it would be. I don’t even know if it’s as bad as he said it was.
        But don’t get me started on the first Hobbit movie. That was one of the biggest disappointments I’ve ever experienced where film is concerned. I’ve been waiting to hear if this one is better. I did get a bit started on it there…

        Yes, this post was so stupendous in its epicness. And really….with the Odyssey and the Journey………………….How could you not?
        I mean…REALLY?

        • I think the fact that I watched the first Lord of the Rings in 20 minute installments and the lengthy 4 hours version and then seeing it end with Frodo just walking over the hill that just soured it all for me. I started calling it Lord of the Borings and offended all the Fanboys and girls. So sorry, just couldn’t watch another one after the first four hour snoozer.

        • Thanks for not liking Frodo. That helps ease the pain of me not liking the Lord of the Borings. Perhaps if the Lord of the Rings was about a guy named Neo and the setting was a virtual world I would have liked it better.

        • I was going to say I’d like to meet anyone who liked Frodo, but after thinking about it…I’d rather not. I can’t imagine I would get along with them very well. Could be wrong…

          LoL. I still say they should’ve stopped after the first Matrix movie. God, that was a good one. I can’t tell you how many times I watched that.

        • I still watch them all the Matrixes whenever they come on. I think there is some good parts in the second and I didn’t totally hate the third like most people, but I understand. The first totally took me by surprise because when I went to see it, I was just taking a shot in the dark. I hadn’t seen any previews, so will always be one of my all-time favorite “pleaseantly surprised” movies of all time.

        • Oh yeah, there are definitely some good bits in all the Matrix movies. Still, the other two can’t compare to the first in my opinion. And in that regard…they seemed just destined to fall short. :/

        • Yep, the first will always be the best. By the way, I’ve decided that Aster is a combination of Repunzel(the naive trapped in the tower mentality. When she steps on the grass for the first time, reminds me of the movie.) and Starfire from Teen Titans. Have you ever seen that show? She is a powerful alien from another planet but is pretty naive about how words work on Earth and is pretty naive, but strong.

        • HAHA, no I haven’t seen that show, but I’m going to take all of that as a compliment to her character.
          She is a strange one, for sure, with the not understanding basic things. But I think it kind of makes sense for her, and for the things the ‘world’ has exposed her to, just being a bit mixed up with it all and whatnot. Or maybe not mixed up at all?

        • I’m glad someone else thought it was funny. Some of the little things in there crack me up, but I’m pretty easily amused…
          And that’s another thing I’m saying about ‘normal people-type things’. It’s just kind of ridiculous (scenes like that particular one), but I think little stuff like that cuts the story some slack from all the ‘seriousness’.

        • Did noone else find your book funny like I did? Who knew you had a funny side to the books? My problem is that mine is meant to be funny and it probably isn’t. People are probably groaning about it.

        • Hm. I don’t know if other people found it funny. A few parts of some of the books, but there’s a line near the end of the first one that would make me almost cry from laughing so hard and my husband didn’t think it was funny until he read it (even though I’d read that part to him beforehand).
          That hasn’t really been what anyone’s talked about with it, maybe because the humor isn’t so blatant and is more ridiculous. Some of the other series books I’ve written have been more ‘funny’ in the typical sense, which probably wouldn’t work out to be as funny as I find them.

          I’m sure yours is funny. :)

        • Mine better be funny cause the rest of it is so bad with details and setting and feeling like you are there. You do such a fantastic job of making me feel like I know where I am and explaining how this girl feels. She develops so naturally that is it really believable. Your hard work really paid off.

        • I think we’re all a bit too critical of our own work (which is good, I think, in some ways). I’m sure yours is nowhere near as bad with the stuff you’re saying as you think it is.

          That really means a lot to me, what you said about it. I’m not the best writer, so the focus was more so on the characters and making them believable. If I managed that, then I did (part of) what I set out to do.
          Thank you. :)

        • Well, your dedication to the craft really shows. The amount of time you spend on writing is admirable too. I think if I was to admit even if I had the time to work on my book 8 hours a day, I wouldn’t probably spend as much time as you do on your book. I would do a lot of procrastinating.

        • It really means a lot to me, you saying that. I’ve been struggling a lot recently with all the work and how difficult it is just to get things out there, wondering if the time has been worth it (of course it is, but we all have our down moments). I guess I just struggle a lot with thinking I’m not good enough, and especially that my writing could never be good enough.
          I wish I had more time to work, I really do. I love it. It’s exhausting, but . . . yeah.

        • Well you certainly do spend enough time doing it. If I was dedicated to anything as much as you are, I would be way better at anything really. They say if you spend 10,000 hours on anything you can get good at it. I guess I’ve got about 9,950 to go.

        • I wish I’d been keeping track of hours from the get-go. But then again, I still don’t keep track of hours actually WRITING, so I guess that would kind of void it.
          If I’m not over 10k, I’m close.

          I just looked up how many hours are in a year, and yeah. Definitely over that. I don’t think I’m ‘good’ at writing. I’ll claim ‘passable’ on a good day.

          Don’t you wish you had more hours to spend on things you wanted to spend time on?
          I wish that so bad(ly).
          I wish I had ALL THE HOURS.

        • I don’t think I would like to have all the hours to do the one thing I like, but a variety of the few things I like sure. I would play video games for a few hours, then watch a movie, then back to the video games, then write for a few hours, then rotate. I’m weird like that.

        • In a lot of ways, it does. I actually prefer editing to the actual writing a lot of the time, but it gets to a certain point without writing where I just start having these intense withdrawals. Need to get the stories out of my head, and can’t. Editing can’t fill that particular fix, no matter how much I love it.

        • True about getting stories out. The thing I can’t stand is when a fantastic idea pops out and it sounds like a world class idea for a story and you either forget details or it doesn’t sound as good when you start writing it.

        • I kind of leave details up in the air, or if they’re really important I write them down (I forget everything and sometimes just writing it down stops that from happening).
          The not sounding as good when you start thing? Yep, I’ve had that problem. That’s how I have a couple projects started and not finished. In my defense, I ran out of time before Reave was published with the last one. And another was going places I didn’t want it to go (but should’ve known it was going to) in order to keep it YA.
          But there’s this one series I started. Tried working on it SO MANY times and am only a few chapters in. It sounds fantastic, but I just can’t get into it (yet). Then again, I don’t write ‘contemporary’ well, so I think that’s a lot of the issue.

        • I think my problem with my novel (not a series yet) is the timeline. It has to be with video games and its creation so I don’t know if I should use a realistic timeline or a made up timeline. I don’t know if the main character father or grandfather is the one that creates them. Anyways, it is confusing to even me, which is why I need to sit down and figure it out before I write another revision.

        • Not a series YET? Is it going to be?

          Hm. That’s a good question.

          I suppose the question to ask to answer that question is whether you want to keep it more true-to-life, or have it be however you want it. Because if it’s true-to-life, there are soooo many details (probably would be otherwise regardless), which is why I don’t write anything like that. I don’t care to do research when I can just make something up. haha

          That definitely sounds complicated and is really something that’ll take some major thinking. I mean . . . one decision would change the entire thing.
          Wish I could help you out there. :(

          My solution probably would be the very last thing you’d want to do:
          Write it both ways.
          hahaha

        • Wow, okay thanks a lot for that. It isn’t your problem, so don’t worry about it. I just thought as an experienced writer of several series, you might go one way or the other. No big deal. I’m leaning toward the not research one, because I hate doing that. I am with you where I just make up stuff as I go and let the story tell me where the story goes.
          It is complicated and I am probably the opposite of you when it comes to the story. I do a LOT of action (maybe because that is how I like things and movies etc.) I am not so good at the quiet moments of reflection etc. even though I do a lot of that in real life. We will just see how it goes.

        • I didn’t realize you were actually asking me what I thought about it!
          The only thing I can say with confidence about it is . . . It’s your story, you would know it better than anyone. You just have to do what feels right to you.
          I think there’s kind of a line in asking whether or not the research is worth it if you hate it so much, when you could just tweak the story to make less of it necessary. Does that sound bad?
          I guess the point is: You want to enjoy what you’re doing, you want to be happy with it, you want it to feel right.
          Do you think doing it in the more difficult way would make it better? That’s an important question. Or which way do you think it would be better told?
          Like I said, I would probably write it both ways (which I know you probably have no interest in doing) because I couldn’t say one way or another which way something would be better until I’d written it.

          I’m not comfortable with action. Granted, Reave is on the lesser end of the scale when it comes to action in books I’ve written. That whole series is more about speculation. And maybe that’s why I love this one more in comparison to others I’ve written. Aster does a lot more ‘quiet reflection’ than other characters.
          I dunno. Action is just difficult for me. You should see me when I’m trying to write an action scene. I’m sure whatever faces I make could be considered ‘classic’.

        • I don’t really want to write it both ways, but I do want to do it right the first time, which I why I am taking so much time to get it right. I would rather wait 10 years doing it right than only half doing it right in half the time. Know what I mean? That may require me to do it both ways, and if it does I will.

          I do enjoy getting inspiration on where this should go. It is amazing how the littlest thing can lead me to come up with some of the most amazing ideas. The other day I was just playing swords with my son and it gave me a great idea for the story. Something that could be a big part of the story. Amazing how that works.

          You have quite a talent of writing a story that doesn’t necessarily need action. It is more about how people deal with each other and story building and you are fantastic at that. I could use a little help with that. Action I have down a little more just because I have so much of it, I better figure out how to write it.

        • I definitely know what you mean about wanting to get it done right. And yeah, I’d rather wait 10 years for it to be right then have it be wrong. I’m nowhere NEAR patient enough for that though, and again with the mind-losing thing. I hope you don’t have to write it both ways. :/

          It really is amazing where inspiration can come from! The littlest experiences and whatnot. And what’s super cool about that is it’s kind of a special thing for you. Nobody else will know about it unless you tell them. I could get REALLY deep into that, but I’ll spare you.

          Thanks. :)
          I know I’ve said I’m horrible at writing action. Even when I see it in my head, I feel like I can’t describe it correctly. But that sort of works out. Interactions and the way people affect one another is definitely more interesting to me personally, so I guess it’s beneficial that at least one person thinks I can write it decently. I HAVE been slowly pushing myself with writing action, but I think it’s called for when it’s called for and you (I) just have to adapt to it. I could use some help in that regard, for sure!

        • Well, I assume I will be first ever old guy writing a book about video games. Do you think anyone would even want to read a book about video games? Seems like people that would read it are too busy playing the games and not reading.

          The inspiration is a cool thing. One of the greatest rushes ever. People that don’t get them will never know how exhilirating it feels. All I know is that I’ve been on top of the world and happiest when something cool comes to me.

          Well, I guess we all have our weak parts. Yours is writing action, mine is just about everything else. It’s nice knowing I have a talent in something. I just imagine all the movies and video games I’ve played over the years and just write how they would play out. Add a little sweat, a little inner monologue, mix in some humor and I it makes for a nice action scene. Both the ladies in my writer group struggle with it too.

        • Haha, maybe, but maybe not! So many people love video games. Maybe you’ll be the first that does it and it will open up a crapton of other people doing it. THEN who would be the famous author???? Hmm? :P
          LOL, yes, I do think people would be interested in it. I’m not even sure it would be strictly for gamers. Targeted-to, yes, but if it has a lot of action in it, it would also appeal to action-lovers. Etc. etc. etc.
          And I’m sure there are plenty of people who game AND read. I think it would be awesome.

          I agree about inspiration. I’d never felt it before writing books, and it’s definitely one of the best things in the world.

          PICTURING action isn’t an issue for me; it’s EXPLAINING the action. LoL, you should hear me trying to explain holds and the like to my husband. It’s like, “I see this PERFECTLY in my head.”
          I guess some things just come out more naturally.

          I love playing with humor in books. It’s one of my favorite things to do with it. I think you’re right though – humor in an action scene can be really spectacular. :)

        • I can always hope that it hits big. I think that is what keeps me writing. Also the ability to make up something that has never been thought of before. That is always been a cool thing for me.

          I’ve always liked the idea of being an author, making a living writing books, but then there is always the other side of it where you have people looking up to you. I just don’t like the idea of people looking at me like I have some sort of supernatural power.
          I’ve always thought there was an audience, especially now that the first gamer generation is my age. There are definitely dudes (and ladies too) that would find something like this fascinating, and I just hope a publisher/agent can pick up on that.
          But that is so far away. Now I just need to concentrate on getting a good draft finished.
          I actually love the action scenes and I’m pretty good with dialogue. Describing scenery is my difficult part.
          Humor is pretty key to anything I do. It’s just a matter of timing and when to use it for me.

        • Yeah, I guess having it ‘hit big’ would be the ideal thing. I mean, you know how much you put into your work, and you always hope other people are going to appreciate it.
          Making up new stuff is definitely awesome.

          I get what you’re saying about all that, with people looking up to you and the supernatural power thing. I think interacting with people who read my book without interacting with me beforehand has been the weirdest part about all of it (minus having a book out in general). It’s just weird to think you made something that someone really enjoyed without having any sort of bias. Weird.

          I hope a publisher/agent can pick up on that for you as well. There are a lot (LOOOOOT, lot, not loot) of gamers out there, even casual ones that would probably be really into it. If publishers/agents don’t realize that when it’s time . . . that will be their loss.

        • Oh, and I did have issues with Return of the King. Mostly because there were about four different times where I thought the movie was ending, only to find out….it was NOT.
          >.>

        • I prefer when movies have endings too. Speaking of which, do you like when movies get to the climax and just end like moments later, or movies that get more of a tie up? I see too many moves that get to the end, then just end and don’t tie up any subplots.

        • That’s a good question. I don’t mind so much with not tying up endings if there will DEFINITELY be a sequel. Or maybe if it’s done in a specific way. Say, with….(this is probably a bad example) Equilibrium. Yes, it ended nicely in some ways, but I felt a little let down, like there could’ve been so much more to it. I don’t know if you’ve seen that movie. It was ‘tied up’, but I just don’t feel it was ‘finished’.

          I’m kind of the same way with books, but kind of not. I don’t like ‘nice and neat’ in any way with books, but I expect pretty much every loose end to be tied up NEATLY by the END of a series. And I’m talking pretty much EVERY LOOSE END (unless it really isn’t necessary).
          I notice stuff like that, and it really bothers me when there’s something that isn’t tied up. What’s the point of putting it in there?

          I was just thinking about a lot of those action movies (like the superhero movies I love so dearly). I’d never really thought about it, but … they do oftentimes just…..END.
          >.o

        • What I don’t like in movies (especially romance ones) is when the main couple gets together, then their friends get together, then some random other people just look at each other and kiss. Really? Though I don’t like romance flicks that much in the first place.
          I’m pretty forgiving of things in movies, because I know how hard it is to write a book, but ending a movie right after the climax just makes me mad. I want to see a little relaxing at the end.

        • No matter how weird I am, I’m not immune to a good romance movie (especially rom-coms, as I can’t really stand the uber-sappy ones like The Notebook, possibly because I don’t like crying).
          I just think my biggest problem with things along those lines is how BLATANTLY unrealistic they are. I’ll say that’s why I’m a fan of bad things happening in books that people normally don’t include. Bad things happen in real life. That’s just fact.
          But you’re right. A little resolution is good.

        • I agree. Bad things happen, awkwardness in situations happen. Boredom and meaningless happen and lots of movies think that exciting things have to happen to people all the time. I like to think that when things are so serious there should be a jokester to be there to relieve some tension.

        • I agree with all that completely.
          I think sugarcoating everything doesn’t do anyone any favors.
          I think sometimes meaningless things can actually hold a lot of meaning to them.
          It’s a good thing the world isn’t filled with epicness 24/7. That would get exhausting. And I think in books, you need some breaks from that sort of thing. It would be PRETTY NICE in movies as well. There doesn’t need to be explosions ALL THE TIME.

        • In real life, I think that I need epicness very little. I can’t imagine having an adventure like the one I have cooked up for my guy. It seems exhausting and I would have no energy for it.

        • I know exactly what you mean. If I had to deal with half the crap I put my characters through, I would be the most miserable person on the planet.

        • Speaking of your book, I found your made up word! I’m certain of it. Page 185, kitchenly things. Do I win the prize? How about an autograph? Or telling your publisher that they have to publish my book?

        • :)

          Good job!
          Kitcheny is a word, apparently, but kitchenly makes so much more sense to me. Given my editor tried to remove it, I’m assuming she caught it. But only one other person has said anything to me about it, so woooo for you!

          And you DO know I self-published…So am I telling myself that I have to publish your book for you? Or something else?
          >.>

        • I don’t drink soda much either. It gives me heartburn and upset stomach, I learned many years ago in college. Most of the time I drink water. (one of the few healthy things I do.)

        • I don’t really drink it for a number of reasons. It makes me gain weight, for one. And I don’t like the carbonation, for another (bothers my throat), but I DO like carbonated water (flavored). Don’t find it so harsh. I’ll occasionally partake in one though.
          I mostly only drink water other than coffee. Milk sometimes before bed. Tea sometimes when I’m in the mood and feel like waiting for it to steep (I AIN’T GOTS THE TIME!) O.o

        • I don’t mind the carbonation going down (though my throat does have trouble swallowing in general), but I think all that sugar goes straight to my heart and makes it beat faster. Can’t say I like that sensation.

          I don’t drink coffee or tea because I’m Mormon and we don’t drink those things and rarely drink milk (my parents mostly made us drink powdered milk growing up, so that soured me on milk, see what I did there?)

        • Caffeine and sugar have no effect on me whatsoever. The only thing that does is freaking yellow 5. So I STAY AWAY from Mt. Dew. I definitely don’t like what that does to me.

          I COULD live without coffee, but I would rather not, so I wouldn’t.
          And powdered milk?
          Yeah, I can definitely get the soured thing (nice pun).
          I didn’t start drinking it until I was older. Couldn’t stand it before.

  3. Everything about car shopping sounds absolutely horrifying and like I would need to carry a spray bottle to periodically silence the salespeople. I’ve only ever purchased cars from independent sellers (well other than that camaro on ebay, what) but I’m sure such an experience is awaiting me in the future…

  4. My mom and I just bought a new car. We ran into so much trouble to actually get it home it wasn’t even funny. It’s a pretty sweet car, though. This post was hilarious. I just saw this movie, and it was great.

  5. This is probably more entertaining than the movie will be. I know I’ll eventually be dragged to the theater for the Desolation of Nearly Three Hours of My Life.

  6. Better Journey Smaug than Prius Smug. I am really jealous (read bitter) now. I’m already borderline anemic, so 3/4 of my blood plus doubloons is crazy talk. Didn’t you feel bad leaving your chariot there all alone? I always feel guilty, like I’m abandoning an old friend just for getting old and sucking.

  7. Arrgghh…I braved the Desolation of the Rotary Auction and bought a 1992 Subaru Legacy and promptly had to spend $1000 on it because it had been driven over something that broke the axle…arrgghhh. Not by me. I don’t think I drove over anything THAT big. That I remember.

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