I hope all you completely deserving people that don’t have to work Monday and Tuesday or Thursday and Friday, don’t have anything bad happen to you, like a Yule log smog incident, or a sleigh slaying, a snowball fall, or a frozen hose. That would be a tragedy if that happened. Because you know that the people who are there manning the phones and cash registers and entering the orders and braving the cold and early alarm clocks and cold early morning showers and utter dark blackouts don’t mind doing that stuff for you so your can enjoy your lazy mornings and leisurely breakfasts and last minute shopping trips for presents for not me. Don’t worry, we will make sure that you get everything you call us about done just right and on time. We will make sure all your needs are met exactly like you want them. No bitterness here at all. In case you did miss reading the last minute blogs I threw together this last week with no thought for you at all, and didn’t think about until one minute before I put finger to keyboard, because I care that little, here they are for you bitter smirks, you laisse faire attitudes and general apathetic malaise.
I posted a completely inane post about The Desolation of Smog and how I ended an Odyssey and started a Journey. It was an epic….failure of a post.
Then the debate about things that we are all thinking about right now, not what party to avoid or what gift to regift, but the great Crunchy Vs. Creamy debate. Don’t let this one divide your family when you get together for stuff. This one raged between me and my imaginary bitter friend Bitter Bane. (He was kind of angry and dark.)
Friday’s, as you know, are for Bitter Picture’s that explain in a 1000 words each, how bitter I felt about something that week, or other day in my life. This Friday was no exception. This Friday was dedicated to the Friday Picture Naughty List for all those who were observed to be naughty this year, by you know the Big Guy(yes, the NSA).
There were Bitter Twitter’s about stuff.
I think the reason kids are so lazy these days is because we coddle them. Mine are 6 & 9, still don't have jobs & live in the basement.—
Ben Gardner (@Benadman) December 16, 2013
I wonder how the people in my Ipod don't get scratchy voices after I hit repeat on their songs. Oh and how do they all fit in there?—
Ben Gardner (@Benadman) December 18, 2013
Is a class action suit what a superhero teacher lawyer wears to court?—
Ben Gardner (@Benadman) December 18, 2013
There were bitter comments about the Bitterness:
On the Desolation of Smaug:
“The was the most epic telling of buying a new car I have ever heard. I applaud you, Sir, for your arduous odyssey that ended in a journey.” MissTiffany
“There is nothing like the desolation of car shopping. We just recently paid off our newest chariot and are now payment free. The wallet is less bitter.” Kaela Moore
“Quite the epistle! And now, an empty wallet – who would have guessed it would end that way?” SJ Powers
The Bitter Crunch Vs. Plain Debate:
“Vegemite all the way. Forget peanut butter. It’s not bitter enough for you.” Daile
“Bitter Ben, I would so love to join you on the crunchy side. There’s crunch bars, which are like crunchy heaven, and cheetos, oh the cheesy crunchy goodness! Sometimes I eat them just to hear them crunch. But, the truth is, I cheat on the crunchy side all the time. Sometimes you need something smooth and chocolatey to put in smores. Then other times they don’t have the crunchy cheetos (the abomination!) and it’s not like you can just NOT have cheetos, right?” Miss Four Eyes
“Righteous crunchy- hands down. Also, that bulb smashing video was AWESOME. I’m in that kind of mood. Totally made my morning.” Extreme Mom
Friday Bitter Pictures – Naughty Picture Edition -
“That pyramid thingy makes me want to stab myself.” Mollytopia
“My heart hurt when I saw that pyramid crumble. That’s what super glue is for, people!” Lizi
“All of those gifs are epic! I’m showing my kids when they get home!” Vivblog
Now some Bitter Bonus Pictures:
On Winter Maturity:
Face kick practice:
So hey, people that get this vacation, I hope nothing bad happens to you. I hope your car doesn’t break down, or and icicle doesn’t go through your roof, or you don’t get sick the whole. Cause I’m not bitter. Not at all.
Bitter Yule Pay for getting vacation that I don’t Ben
- In case you missed it…because you were out shopping (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- If you missed it…you were probably in a tryptophan coma (bensbitterblog.wordpress.com)
- Origins & Traditions ☃ Yule Logs (bellemorgen.wordpress.com)