In case you missed it…because the media was chasing you

Because you were the cameras were in your face.

Because the cameras were in your face.

 

You just typed the blog of your life and that one person that wrote a book, accidentally followed you. All of a sudden, your blog is blowing up, and you are adding like 5 followers a month. All of a sudden, rumors are flying around about the bacon vegan meal you had, the scandalous surgery you had on your mole, and the instagram photo you put up of your dog.  Now, people can’t wait for the next words being spit out of your blog. You know…if you would just sit down for an interview on the Bitter Entertainment Network (B.E. N.), and air all your really lame and boring life details we could just get back to ignoring you and pretending like you didn’t exist.

Now that you have been knocked back down to earth, and you have all kinds of time, you can get to get reading some really boring and really lame and uninteresting posts, like Breaking Down Bitter Walls.  Ooh, wow blog about walls.  What’s next, a blog about watching paint dry? A blog about watching grass grow? Actually, those are some great ideas.  I can’t wait to tell you about the brown, dry, flaky grass that inhabits the rabbit feeding grounds outside our house.  Please, hold your breath.

Nowhere near as enchanting or as charming as some of the other things that come out of my fingers onto this page.  Of course, if they are really bitter they are completely my idea, but if anything interesting comes out, then that is my brain’s fault.  Total blame goes to that jerk of a brain that keeps itself hidden within my bodyguard of a skull.  Learn more about my jerk the brain in What’s the Bitter Idea?

Then, just when the media couldn’t get any more annoyingsome, they are intrusively filming every boring detail of people’s lives, like Teen Moms, people surviving on tropical islands and storage lockers.  Instead, I’ve decided to get my extensive team of the internet to film only the most embarrassing, humiliating and hospital inducing moments in my Lazy Friday Giftures.

The media was ignoring my tweets as per usual:

 

There were comments or something:

On Breaking Down Bitter Walls:

“I love the dinosaur attack clip. That is hilarious! I wonder if they needed smelling salts to revive her from the fright! ;)”  Jack Flacco

“It seems as if each mechanic around my place is smarter than the last one, because if I go to three different ones, each one will completely ignore what the last one diagnosed, then find something even bigger and more dangerous wrong with the car, something that “needs to get fixed right now, or it will end up being more expensive in the long run.” – The Philosophunculist

On What’s the Bitter Idea?:

“My brain is a big ol’ jerk too. Also, I’m pretty sure that 1+1 is eleventy hundred.”  MissFourEyes

“Your brain is so much like my brain. Or maybe it’s my brain is so much like yours. Whatever. I bet your ideas are much better (and bitter) than mine … if we could only access them. Thanks for making me feel bitter about my brain and about being an introvert.” 1WriteWay

On Lazy Friday Giftures:

“Go home, make poor diet choices for dinner, and just hibernate all weekend. Works for me every time.” carbscoffeechaos

“LOL Do you give seminars on how to do that? The headspace thing, that is… ;) Happy Friday!” – LVital7109

One last thing, whatever you do, don’t leak these videos to the media.

 

Because drumming.

Because drumming.

 

 

Got a good workout.

Got a good workout.

 

Again, if you ever need a some help getting less famous, always remember the Bitter Entertainment Network.

 

ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH

Bitter Media Unsaavy Ben

 

 

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28 thoughts on “In case you missed it…because the media was chasing you

  1. I’m so glad you do these – cause…I have missed it for quite some time now. Sometimes, ya know…life just has this way of creeping up on you & suddenly all your favorite blogs have 10 new posts… And you feel like this awful blogging friend/groupie/follower. Anyway – I’ve managed to spend my evening catching up on your Friday Funnys…which is pretty much exactly what I needed after a long week. Thank you for the heaps of entertainment.
    Happy Friday.
    We made it.

    Like

    • It’s funny that you say that you like that I do those because I’ve stopped doing them the last few weeks. I really started doing them so I could give props to people that did funny comments, but a lot of people don’t read that one as much. Perhaps I will do them just for the people that want to catch up.

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      • I did realize there weren’t any following that one until after I told you how much I enjoy them.. I think that’s a stellar idea to do that – I know I like it! Once I get more on a schedule and start posting more regularly again I considered doing something similar. I think it’s awesome that you did it to give props to your funny readers. as we’ve talked about before, it’s always nice to get shout-outs from people with (as you said it before) “actual followers” :)

        Like

        • I think it is a better way to recognize people than those award things, but on the other hand I’ve had people embarrassed when their comment gets shown, so I’ve had mixed results. I should probably go back and do it though because I don’t mind embarrasing other people.

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        • Why on earth would someone be embarrassed? If they submitted a comment – it is their words on a public forum…..already?
          I could have guessed you don’t mind embarrassing people. You’re good people that way. I enjoy it.

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        • I know right? I’m guessing they just thought that it was on a blog that no one read and that no one would ever read the comments. I look forward to embarrassing you soon by exposing a super clever and funny comment that you write that embarrasses me.

          Like

  2. Only five followers a month? I’ve been blogging for only like, a month and a half (OHHHH that half makes a HUGE difference) and I have WAYYYYYYY more than 5 followers. And none of them I ever met in person or on Twitter or Facebook. :D
    To add even more bitterness to your life, you have at least 2 stalkers: your phone and yourself. Imagine: a little piece of metal following you around, taking pictures of you, and posting them onto a place where they will never leave. Taking parts of your life and filing them away. It’s like the Terminator all over again.
    Then there’s yourself: The worst, most embarrassing aspects of your life being kept in your mind, taunting you over and over again.

    Just adding to the bitterness :) I only think of things like this when I’m avoiding college work (I take online college), so I’m almost OK.

    Like

    • You must be one of those really cool people that has tons of followers.
      Yeah, I’m tired of the stalkers. My phone is always taking pictures of me and uploading them to Instagram and Facebook and Twitter. And those five followers are like really bothering me.

      Like

      • Only 105 followers since the middle of April. But I only have a handful of actual regular commentators (and I have a small hand!).
        Seems like you’v a lot of bitterlings, so DON’T BE BITTER! *Ada says very bitterly*
        :D
        Oh, I mean :(

        Like

      • Oh and I’m not cool I make my 90 year old friend look like she’s cool.
        Sorry about the stalkers. If it helps, have you ever been to Disney Land…lots of creepy stalkers there. :-)

        Like

  3. Don’t feel alone as well as bitter. If the paparazzi would just get out of my face, I might get something done. Probably not, but there’s always a chance. By the way, don’t discount “Teen Mom” you’d make a great bitter Dad (in jail, of course. That girl was 16, you dirty old man.)

    Like

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