The Voices in My Head BFG’s

I've never liked parties, for obvious reasons. First, I'm a died in the wool introvert with a massive disdain for people and talking to them. When I am forced to go to a party, it is my mission to find a way to disappear like a vapor. I do my best impression of Ethan Hunt, …

Nightmare Ben BFG’s

Ever since we had my first kid, I've been a horrific sleeper. My daughter refused to sleep anywhere near my REM cycle. She had a REM detector that allowed her to find right when I was about to go full REM, and cried right before I was about to down for good. She was good …

Businesses are better than people BFG’s

As some people deduced on Tuesday, it was my birthday. If there is one thing I've learned over the years, the older I get, the less my birthday matters. The excitement I have for my birthday peaked when I turned 30, when I actually looked forward to my birthday. I had already been setting up …

51 Reasons I’m Bitter

Since we just had solar eclipse, it's relevant that I celebrate my 51st rotation around the sun by listing my 51 reasons why you or I should be Bitter. Lists - They are long and tedious and take a lot of time. The only one that doesn't is this one. Nerolinks - Better than hyperlinks, …

Total Eclipse of the Smart BFG’s

On Monday April 8th, there is going to be a total eclipse of the sun. I'm sensing an excitement around the country and perhaps the world. I don't know how many of you will be going to a certain location to witness the eclipse, but I assume that many of you are. I am actually …

A Bitter Galaxy Far Away

The reason I started this blog was because I was muy frustrado with the way my job was going. As an introvert and a customer service rep that hated the phone and talking on it, and a guy that detests hearing other people complain, I needed a place to put my frustration. Ironically, all I …

Hitting the Wall BFG’s

I've played video games my whole life. One of my favorite games when I was younger was Mike Tyson's Punch Out!! (I only do that with two exclamation points because that is how it appeared on the cartridge). It was one of those games where at the lower levels it was really fun and almost …

The Designated Person BFG’s

In doing my research for this blog post, I googled when the Amazing Race's first episode came out. Amazingly, it was September 5, 2001. That means it came out in an innocent time before 9/11, the Bitter Pandemic and the birth of my kids or even this blog. I was just a young married guy …

Hand Me Ups BFG’s

Before we get started with the regularly scheduled blog post, last week was my 12-year Bitter Blogiversary. You should probably congratulate me on being bitter for 12 years now. Back to your regularly schedule blog post. My son is adopted, and his story is quite interesting. After I get famous from writing my first novel …

Dundie Award Winning Blog BFG’s

When I was in college, I used to love movies. I would go to at least 3 or 4 a month. They weren't as expensive back then, and I never fell for expensive popcorn or candy trick. I even used to work in a theater, so I got to see free movies (and get free …

The Flag Department BFG’s

One of the least valuable things I ever did was earn my Eagle Scout in the Boy Scout program. My dad must have secretly been on the propaganda committee that taught kids my age that Scouts would somehow be valuable later in life, because he pushed me hard into the program, even though I hated …

Bermuda Triangle BFG’s

Back in the early 2000's, before I had raging headaches and monster debt (known as my kids), we went on a trip to the Bahamas. I thought it would be a dream tropical vacation, because I saw James Bond there once. Then I discovered the Bahamas was just a third world country with one nice …

Solving the National Debt BFG’s

I'm not known as a problem solver. In fact, the only instance there is on the books of me solving problems is when my wife wants to vent. As you know, women don't want you to solve their problems, they just want you to listen. She was trying to tell me that, but I was …

The Eye of Sauron BFG’s

Here's a controversial statement. I've never read the Lord of the Rings. I've also only seen the Fellowship of the Rings once, the extended version, and I was so bored that I started calling it Lord of the Borings. I realize that some people will never forgive me for saying those words. That's fine. There …

Groundhog’s Day BFG’s

I was watching a movie the other day that my wife put on that started with a girl about the last day of her life. It was full of angsty, teenage girl problems and tried to get deep about life, love, bullying, family and living life to the fullest. The storytelling hook they used was …

Broken Dreams BFG’s

When I was young and delusional instead of old and delusional like I am now, I wanted to be a dream interpreter. Little did I know that dream interpretation was mainly the domain of 1-900 psychics on those infomercials in the 90's. I was crushed when I found out that if I wanted to be …

Shortcut BFG’s

When I was 6 years old, I lived in Long Island, New York. Real estate must not have been near as expensive as it is now, because we had this pretty big house, a long circular driveway, and plenty of property in the backyard. We easily could have built a Field of Dreams baseball stadium …

Transfer Portal BFG’s

College football sucks. And yet...it may be my path to fortune, if I play it just right. Remember at the beginning of this post when I said college football sucks? I hope so. It was only two sentences ago. It might sound like bitter grapes, but the reason I think college football sucks, is because …

The 2023 Season was a Disaster BFG’s

As a person that loves stories, but is a visual learner, TV has always been the perfect way for me to watch stories unfold. A lot of people love reading because they get to interpret the story, people, places and things in their mind however they want to. The problem is that imagination takes a …

The Brinch who Stole Christmas…Vacation

Hello all. I'm pretty lazy when it comes to doing posts around Christmas, but I'm really good at reposting some classics. So I hope you enjoy. And Bitter Christmas to you all. He is as green as Eggs and Ham.  He is as green as the Redwood Forest.  He is as green as the Hulk …