If you don’t step up and make me sleep, I’m going to control, alt, delete you Pillow!
As a life long Lover of Laziness (or LOL) and Layer on Leather (also LOL) I have a few essentials when it comes to being a human slug. Of course, the couch is pretty essential, but honestly most couches will do. Also, when it comes to covers, sure a nice blanket helps, but not year round. In fact, when it is 80 degrees out and air conditioning isn’t available, not really necessary at all. When it comes to the optimal 4 hours nap/televison avoiding, hybrid of sleep/awakiness, the pillow is the most essential part. So how, does Ben’s Bitter Pillow stack up?
Support: My pillow is not so supportive of my dreams (get it?). I am trying to write a novel and I haven’t heard one word of encouragement from my pillow about how great of decision this would be. Pillow also didn’t like where I went to college, what I wore to work the other day, or how much I spent on the pillow cases.
My dreams should not have to work so hard. Get it going pillows.
Firm: My pillow has barely even made it into college and has only completed a few classes. It has a long way to go before not only getting a degree, getting into law school, and passing the bar. So let’s just say this pillow isn’t joining a firm any time soon. Which is fine, because I like a pillow that isn’t so firm anyways.
Durability: I dropped this pillow on the ground from a really high height. 4 feet. It didn’t break. Somehow, with all this pillow did wrong, it amazingly passed this test.
Temperature: Well, it was really hot outside.
This pillow needs to bulk up a little. A few sit ups, maybe some squats…
Shape: This pillow needs to work out a little. It seems like all it is does is lay around all the time. If it could bulk up a little, then I could lay around all the time.
Entertainment options: None. No handheld video games, no remote control, 3D television included, no smartphone or tablet. Not even a man cave? This pillow needs to step up the entertainment options.
Where are the entertainment options, Pillow? Not even a 3DTV?
Most people sleep on a pillow for 8 hours a day max and then they stop thinking about it. I, on the other hand, use a pillow 23/7 and expect so much more. A pillow I used needs to be a versital, all-encompassing comfort blanket for my lazy head. So, how does Pillow rate on my Bitter Scale? 3.14 rhubarbs out of 14.14. If you really step it up, Pillow, maybe next time you can get a 4.
Arrrghhhhhh
Bitter “Those aren’t Pillows!” Ben
Don’t forget to listen to me bitter on Earl Merkel’s podcast. You can hear me instead of reading me. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/authorsglobalradionetwork
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Ben's Bitter Blog 
Too, too cute! What a great way to modify the pattern, and I love that touch of turquoise in there, just perfect!
Mattress and foams UK
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Yeah. Whoever did it that way was pretty clever.
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Bitter congratulations on narrating your own bitter musings!
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I’m not near the narrator that you are, but when they are wanting me to read they want it to sound bitter and that I can do. I have to start over all the time though. I need to work on my voice.
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Learning to narrate is hard work, I’ve been at it for several years now and its just starting to click. I try to imagine a conversation with my listeners, a smooth conversation.
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Especially for one that doesn’t normally memorize or acts in front of other people. Maybe this will help me get better.
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Perhaps you should tell the unsupportive pillow to go stuff it and then you can take your own fabulous advice. 😉
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My advice for the pillow to work out? Are you crazy? That is why I have the pillow so I don’t have to work out.
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Love it!
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I just wish I could love my pillow. I guess we will just have to be friends for now.
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I dropped my pillow from a height of 4 feet. It broke. It’s in physical therapy at the moment, which consists of me fluffing it until it sweats.
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Mine cried for a week before taking another nap.
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What a great bitter blog! Really enjoyed you on The Book With Earl Merkel! Alas, I hang my head low..I sleep with four pillows…
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Someone actually stayed around long enough to hear my rant, besides my parents? They would be so proud.
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LOL! Lover of laziness. I love it.
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I think LOL is one of the most overused phrases ever and rarely is it even accurate. I decided to change it to mean something way more accurate for me.
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My pillow is trying to lose about a gram. I haven’t seen him get up off the bed.
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Are you sure you aren’t using you pillow to hide grams?
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Ben, I hope you know that there is a pillow you can put your ipad on where you can watch movies! 😉 I’ll tell Santa to get you a body pillow. 🙂
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Tell Santa I need an Ipad first before I need a pillow. Actually I want to get a Samsung Galaxy Tablet, so if you could just tell Santa that would be great.
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Got it! 😀
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Pillows—they’re either really awesome or really terrible. There is no middle ground. Not like I’m bitter or anything. But seriously, who designs those things?
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The people that design them must be people that don’t sleep much. Or people that don’t like me.
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Did you ever stop to think that maybe your pillow is just bitter that you lay on it all the time?
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No I don’t think about my pillow. It should be thinking about me. It has one job. Make me be comfortable being lazy. If it doesn’t like it, I can replace it with another.
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My pillows are the worst. They provide no support, they are constantly flinging themselves onto the floor and they are so soft my head is basically on the mattress. I feel your pillow bitterness with a passion.
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I just think they need to do a bitter job of making me comfortable and less time being lazy. That is my job.
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The professor’s pillows are actually quite vexing. I’ve just gotten used to it. (Really like the new background.)
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If pillow works out a little, it could do a much better job of allowing me to be lazy.
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You are bitterly sleep deprived (and clever) and need to go shopping for a new pillow.Maybe a 9.14 model?
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I think that my pillow just needs to do a better job. Maybe work out a little.
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